The Free Cake Curse

Has this ever happened to you: you start a healthy eating/exercise plan with gusto, you’re totally stoked, start seeing results, then you’re hit in the face with free cake? Is it just me? Because I’ll tell you what, free cake has been coming at me from every angle.

I know this is some video game reference that I'm not familiar with, but I don't give a shit. It's still funny.

Years ago when I was working down to my lowest weight ever with the very poor plan of eating 1,200 calories a day, I was involved in what I call the Chocolate Cake Incident of 2005. I had been diligently sticking to my calorie counting and elliptical, had been losing weight steadily for months, and I was proud of my success. My best friend and I went to a Bennigan’s for lunch one day, and I ordered a plain veggie burger on a wheat bun with a side of broccoli–bo-ring. But that’s how I was back then, and I didn’t blink an eye about it. It was working and I was sticking to it. My best friend had also just started a medical diet of her own that involved not eating chocolate (the horror!). We were sitting at our table minding our own business probably talking about something absurd like cats in space when a young man in a Bennigan’s uniform approached our table with an enormous slice of chocolate cake.

It looked like this. Exactly like this.

Waiter: Excuse me, ladies, one of my tables ordered this chocolate cake and then decided they didn’t want it. Do you want it? It’s on the house.

Us: Uhhhh… ::nervous glances at each other, profuse sweating, tears welling up:: No. No thank you. We wish. We’re on diets.

Waiter: Really? Are you sure you don’t want it? It’s free!

Us: ::world shattering around our souls:: No. No thank you.

Waiter: All right…

Us: ::sobbing::

My BFF: We’ll give it to our roommate.

Waiter: Great! Here’s a box.

She brought that home to our roommate at the time, who took one or two bites a day until the fifth day when there was still half a slice of cake left in the fridge, and I threatened to murder him in his sleep if he didn’t get rid of it.

That’s a true story, one of the saddest ever told. As I’ve mentioned before, I lost 70 pounds that year, got insanely ill from the lack of nutrients in my diet (can’t do much with 1,200 calories) and ended up being hospitalized. I went back to eating like a “normal” person after that, put some weight back on, started exercising, lost some weight again, gained a little more because of endocrine problems, started seeing a Registered Dietitian, and here I am present day nowhere near my highest ever weight, but still more than I’d like to be. I work out six days a week, I eat cake sometimes, and I mostly just eat well. A few weeks ago my dietitian and I started working with my resting metabolic rate (which I recently had tested) and have been using those numbers with my general calorie intake (which I don’t count, she does) and get some of my endocrine-gained weight off. All’s been well, except…

Well, people keep giving me free cake! I’m cursed! I’m cursed by free cake!

Let’s be clear. I never get free cake when I’m not in an active state of trying to lose weight. If I’m comfortably maintaining, free cake never appears. But when I’m actively losing, measuring, weighing—there’s free cake everywhere.

Now, I say cake, but it’s not always cake. It’s really free dessert. I call it the Free Cake Curse because of that first Bennigan’s incident, which I think was the first time I was ever offered free dessert in my life. But any free confection counts.

Weeks ago when I first started seeing my RD I went out to lunch with some co-workers to a barbecue place and as we were finishing up our meal a girl came around with free samples of their new house-made ice cream. It was a fairly small serving (maybe two ounces) so I had it and it was amazing.

About three weeks ago I was at dinner with my best friend’s parents and our food took a little longer to come out than it should have, so the manager offered us not one, not two, but THREE free desserts for the inconvenience, even though we hadn’t complained. When does that ever happen? You usually have to raise a ruckus to get a free dessert. We got THREE! Two brownie sundaes and a chocolate lava cake. I only took a few bites, but still, free dessert.

This past weekend I went to Dan’s brother’s wedding. I left after the reception and Dan stayed behind to help his brother load up his car with wedding gifts and what not. In the meantime, the caterers loaded up Dan’s car with all of the leftover food. He got home with about 40 chicken breasts, 10 pounds of green beans, five pounds of cornbread, three to-go boxes of salad, and TWO BOXES OF WEDDING CAKE!

By the way, Dan doesn’t eat cake, so it was all for me.

I didn’t know what to do. It was my worst nightmare and my wildest dream come true. I was at a crossroads. The cake and I had a standoff. At first, the cake won. I couldn’t even hide it. The frosting was blue and I looked like I had been making out with a Smurf. The next day when I got home from the gym, the cake and I had another standoff. There were still two boxes, because I hadn’t had THAT much the night before, but I knew it could only be mere hours before the cake was but a memory and a stomachache. I had a few bites, then threw the rest away.

It. Was. Crazy.

This might not sound like a big deal to some people, but this bitch likes her cake. When I was a child I dreamed of the day someone would just walk into my house with two boxes of free cake just for me. As an adult, I had to make the responsible decision and enjoy it in moderation, then send it on its way.

I can only hope that in doing so, the curse has been broken.

(But really, I don’t know if I want the curse to be broken. There’s nothing like free cake.)

Get Smart: Read Labels

The other day I was shopping at Publix and noticed a stack of Land O’Lakes Light Butter in the dairy aisle. Light butter? Hmm. I was intrigued, so I flipped the box over to get a look at the ingredients and nutritional info. A tablespoon of Land O’Lakes Light Butter contains 50 calories and 6 grams of fat. Here’s the ingredients list:

Uhhh...

I flipped over the box of regular old salted butter, which is 100 calories for a tablespoon and 11 grams of fat. Here’s the ingredients list:

Much better.

Butter: 1 Light butter: 0

Sorry, light butter. I’ll take an extra 50 calories and 5 grams of fat and avoid the onslaught of WTF in my butter.

The moral(s) of the story: read labels, don’t think that just because something is “light” that it’s healthier, and don’t eat anything that needs a disclaimer.

Cook It Real Good

You know those people who say they “forget” to eat or are “too busy” to eat? I’m not one of them.

"A sandwich? Are you insane? I have to go a meeting, write a 10,000 word paper, and watch at least two hours of cat videos on YouTube today!"

I never forget to eat or put off eating or any of those other crazy things people do. Are you kidding? I don’t have time NOT to eat.

However, after a week of birthday celebrating and vacationing in Savannah, I almost felt like I could be one of those people who doesn’t schedule regular feedings. I needed a break. I was so burnt out on restaurant food and I really felt like I’d be happy with eating nothing but lettuce and boiled fish for a few days.

But instead I bought a Crock Pot.

Directions: Put three heads of lettuce and a pound of raw fish in pot. Cook on low for 8 hours. Wait, that's not right.

What I really wanted more than lettuce and boiled fish (which I didn’t really want at all) was a few home cooked meals. I’m not even a little bit competent in math, but I’d say 90% of the time I eat in restaurants I feel too full and pretty sick afterward and 100% of the time I eat home cooked food I feel awesome. The Crock Pot was on sale at Target for $17. My friend Tiffaney told me she’d stop being my friend if I didn’t go buy it. So I bought it. I love it! I didn’t use it every night, but between that and a sworn affidavit saying I would not eat out for at least a week, I came up with these lovely meals:

Red velvet waffles. They exist, and I made them.

Crock Pot Hawaiian chicken with yellow rice and salad

Crock Pot pot roast on top of mashed potatoes

Baked chicken breast, green beans, baby red potatoes

Crock Pot BBQ meatball topped baked potato with salad

Whole wheat shells with spinach, tomato sauce, and Parmesan

All of these meals were delicious and none of them made me feel like hot garbage. I wish I wasn’t so lazy or I would cook every single night and never ever go out to eat. But who’s kidding who? I can’t do dishes EVERY night.

If only my cats were so useful. Freeloaders.

Nutrition Workshopping

At the end of August I will be giving a nutrition workshop for faculty and students at the school where I teach. I’m pretty stoked about it. The students at my school are quite possibly the worst eaters on the face of the Earth. The school doesn’t have a cafeteria, so they rely on the surrounding Wendy’s, McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Wing House, and Chili’s for their meals. It’s awful. A lot of them don’t have cars, either, so getting to a grocery store is a challenge unless they have friends with cars willing to drive them. I’ve also recently been getting questions from faculty about general nutrition and it seems like people are really confused about what works and what doesn’t when it comes to maintaining a healthier lifestyle, which is what made me volunteer to do this workshop.

I’m currently in the planning stages of the workshop, but my main thesis is going focus on the importance of eating mainly REAL food, as opposed to convenience food, and tackling ways to do so that are realistic for the students. I’m also going to talk about why diets don’t work, how fat+sugar+salt affects our brains, and how to incorporate exercise into your daily life, along with when and why to indulge in treats.

I keep revising my outline, but here’s a sneak preview of a few of the slides I’ve created:

 

I’ll post the entire show when it’s finished. If you have any ideas for things that I should include in this workshop, please share in the comments! I’ll be presenting in two weeks.

*Images are courtesy of Flickr’s Creative Commons and credit is given in my presentation.

How Cheap Nuts, Old Basil, The Inadequacy of Others, My Good Looks, and General Laziness Provided the Best Thing I Ate This Week

Fact: I am broke as a joke.

Fact: I suck at taking care of plants and let my basil get to the point of flowering.

Fact: I love shellfish.

Fact: I love it when the inadequacy of others benefits me.

All of these facts led me to make the best thing I ate this week.

Yesterday I left the gym and I was REALLY craving some scallops. The problem is that scallops are as expensive as fuck. I figured five little scallops wouldn’t set me back too much though, so I hightailed it to the Publix and asked the seafood man for exactly five scallops. I didn’t realize until I looked at my receipt that he put a sticker for tilapia, which was on sale, on the package instead of a sticker for scallops! My five scallops only cost me $1.17! I’m not sure if the seafood man made a mistake when he rang up my order or if he was just smitten with my good looks.

Really, who can say?

I took my $1.17 worth of scallops home and decided they’d be perfect seared and put on top of a bed of whole wheat fettuccine. I needed some kind of sauce, so I looked to the flowering and yellowing basil plant on my porch. I fail at taking care of plants. I’ve been growing that basil for months and haven’t pruned it once. I decided it was time.

Since I had to use all the basil, I decided to make a pesto. I didn’t have any pine nuts, though, and pine nuts are as expensive as fuck anyway, so I just used some almonds I had in the pantry. I got two big packs for $5 awhile back. Bargain! Almonds are way cheaper than pine nuts and I love cheap nuts. With some Parmesan, lemon juice, the basil, and olive oil, those cheap-ass almonds were a fine substitute for pine nuts.

Broke as a Joke Almond Pesto

The almonds actually gave the pesto a really nice creamy consistency. I may just make it a regular contender in my pesto. As you can see, my abundance of more-yellow-than-green basil kind of made the pesto look less pesto-y, but it tasted just fine!

I boiled up some whole wheat vegetable fettuccine, nuked some broccoli and cauliflower, and seared my $1.17 worth of scallops. The combination of this cheap-o meal was divine.

Does that look like some gourmet shit or what?

Isn’t it nice when the scales tip your way?

$1.17 for these scallops...if you're me!

Make this meal as soon as possible, even if you’re a sucker and have to pay full price for your scallops. If you make it my way, this delight for your mouth shouldn’t cost more than $5 or $6. Suck it, Bonefish Grill.

Eat It Up: Lots of Yum!

After baking all those cupcakes last week like a freaking maniac, I took a break from the sweet little cups of glory to work on some new recipes.

On Friday morning I took crazy to a whole new level by going to Boot Camp at 5:45 in the morning, then making quadruple berry muffins before work.

Berrylicious

I was in the shower after Boot Camp washing away the horrors of early morning exercise and it occurred to me that quadruple berry muffins simply needed to happen.  There was really no way out of it. They just had to be made. I knew I had a buttload of buttermilk in the fridge left over from the cupcaking and I had pints of strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, and raspberries just waiting to be baked into delicious muffins.

My co-workers were thrilled. We just moved to a new office (very suddenly), so I thought it would be nice to surprise everyone with warm breakfast muffins.

These were really some of the best muffins ever. I highly recommend that you make them while berries are in season. They’re super cheap right now! If you’re in the south, Publix has pints for $2 each!

I got the recipe here. I love Joy of Baking recipes. They truly are a joy.

Today I planned on making a barbecue pizza based on this Eating Well recipe that I saw while browsing the site. It looked so good, and my friend Stephen made it and said it was a success, so I made my own and Stephen was right, it was a huge success!  I tweaked the recipe a bit to suit my tastes and my laziness.  I used Pillsbury pizza dough (which is surprisingly delicious) and I added sauteed mushrooms and onions because those are my favorite pizza toppings and were necessary to take this pizza from awesome to AWESOME! I loved it. I’m actually looking forward to eating the leftovers for lunch tomorrow and I am not a leftovers person at all.

Barbecue pizza in my mouth!

I also had a wonderful visit with Eunice from Food4Fitness on Friday. She was visiting a friend and they came to Orlando for the day to go to Islands of Adventure and met up with me for frozen yogurt afterward. Eunice and I actually know each other through mutual friends down in South Florida where I’m from and where Eunice lives. She started her blog two weeks before I started mine, so we’ve been blog buddies since the beginning! I love her writing style and she’s insanely smart about all things nutrition and exercise, which is good since she’s going to be a Registered Dietician in a few short months!

Blogger love!

We swapped stories over delicious frozen yogurt. And get this. I HAD NUTELLA FROYO!!!

NUTELLA FROYO IN MY MOUTH!

Nutella is one of my favorite things in this world, and this was the first time I ever saw it in froyo form. I can’t believe I didn’t lose control of my bladder then and there. It was so amazing. I don’t know if any other froyo will ever match up. Oh man, it was so good.

In between all this yum, I got some really great work outs in and danced my ass off at my friend Dustin’s birthday party this weekend. True story: I participated in a big booty dance-off and lost to a girl who did a split.

Note to self: The girl with the purple hair will always win.

I would only do that for Dustin. No one else. At least I was best dressed on the stage.

Only for Dustin.

What delicious things you eat this weekend? What absurd things did you do with your ass?

The Make Cupcakes, Not War Winners!

Ohh, so many cupcakes!

While I was busy cupcaking this weekend, a bunch of lovely ladies were doing the same for the Make Cupcakes, Not War Bake-Off. The entries I got were really great, imaginative, and delicious. It was really hard to decide who the winner and runner-up would be, because I wanted all of the cupcakes in my mouth immediately. I’ve stewed on this all day and in the end I’ve decided the winner is…

ZenLizzie’s Give Peach a Chance Cupcakes!

I fell in love with the title of these cupcakes and I really liked how Lizzie had the idea to make peace by bringing a piece of something wonderful and homegrown from her part of the world for others to enjoy. I’m also drooling over summer peaches right now and something about these peach cupcakes with peachy cream cheese frosting sounded almost thirst-quenching.  I could eat them and it would be just like drinking a bunch of water, but with the antioxidant and vitamin properties in peaches, right? Right?! It’s also a smaller recipe (6-8 cupcakes), so it would be totally cool if I ate all of them in one sitting, right? Right?!  I mean, eating six is nothing like eating a dozen.

Lizzie was a runner-up in my Applegate Farms coupon giveaway, which was totally random since I used a number generator for that one. Girl, you better keep entering my contests because you get really lucky around me!

Congrats, Lizzie! I’ll send you your copy of Cupcakes Galore sometime this week and you should have it by the time you return from New Orleans. In the meantime, I will be baking up a batch of these amazing looking cupcakes and eating them by the fistful.

I was really really torn about who would win the runner-up spot, too. The fruity cupcakes were just calling out to me, probably because it’s so hot out here right now and fruity cupcakes somehow seem lighter than other kinds of cupcakes. Feeling heavy never inspires peace. It makes people cranky.

Eunice made Blackberry Cupcakes with Lime Frosting (om nom nom nom) and Phanessa made Pineapple Upside Down Cupcakes (om nom nom nom)! I grappled long and hard over this one. In the end, the runner-up was…

Phanessa’s Pineapple Upside Down Cupcakes!

They’re just SO beautiful! I love the idea of taking such a kitschy cake and making it mini by turning it into a cupcake. Phanessa also explained that pineapple upside down cake instills personal peace for her, since it makes her think of her grandmother and of home and family, which she needs since she recently relocated from Florida to New Jersey. This made me think of all of the people in the military and in different relief and aid programs who are far away from their homes and how small reminders of home and family can help push them through the most difficult parts of their time away.

Congrats, Phanny! Send me your new New Jersey address so I can send you the cute cupcake card set!

Again, this was a really hard decision. You could say I was at war with myself about this.  Har har har. I love puns.

I can’t forget about the other great entries I received!

Again, Eunice’s Blackberry Cupcakes with Lime Frosting made me drool all over my keyboard and they’re purple, which is my favorite color! They looked like my Purple Velvet cupcakes, but are most certainly healthier. I also can’t get enough blackberries right now. Oh, they’re so good!

Kristine made Beer, Not Bombs Cupcakes! Her stance is that we could all have peace if everyone would just chill the fuck out and have a beer! I can’t say I disagree.  Drinking solves so many problems, after all. I love the idea and I love hazelnuts. These cupcakes have CANDIED hazelnuts on top. Get them in my mouth, now! Can we also somehow add Nutella to these, Kristine? I’m just sayin’.

Finally, my BFF Miranda made Polka-Dot-Cupcakes-Just-Make-The-World-Happier cupcakes! They’re homemade funfetti cupcakes with purple buttercream frosting. She based them on a card she received from our friend, Melissa, that says “Polka Dots Just Make The World Happier.” And it’s true! I love polka dots, Miranda loves polka dots, and I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone in this world who doesn’t love polka dots! Just imagine how different things would be if everyone wore polka dots all the time? Please, take a moment to picture different dictators in history in polka dots. Yeah, it changes everything, doesn’t it? I think the really great thing about these cupcakes, and about polka dots, is that they’re truly fun and carefree. They’re not taking themselves too seriously. I realize I’m totally personifying cupcakes and polka dots right now, but go with it. They’re not taking themselves too seriously, and that’s kind of what the world needs to do. Loosen up, have some fun, eat a cupcake, and let there be peace!

Kristine, Eunice, and Miranda: You guys all did awesome jobs. You have Blue Bird Bake Shop cupcakes coming your way.

Thanks so much to everyone who participated! I’m officially taking a break from all this hardcore cupcaking. At least until the weekend.

Cupcaking

Remember my Orange Creamsicle cupcakes?

Om nom.

 

Well, after the success of those cupcakes and the excitement over my Make Cupcakes, Not War Bake-Off Contest, I got a little ambitious over the weekend. Perhaps a little too ambitious.

Mhm.

Yes, that’s five different kinds of cupcakes.  I made them all on Friday night.  This photo doesn’t even display the sixth cupcake, which turned out to be a cupcake fail.

Major fail.

 

Now, I didn’t make all these cupcakes just for me. I actually made them to sell at the yard sale I had with my best friend and her husband this weekend.  I made $107.75! People bought a ton of old junk from me! 15 of those dollars came from cupcake sales. Miranda and I were also told several times that we should open a cupcake shop.  We were pleased. After all, it is the dream.

I originally planned on making three kinds of cupcakes: Purple velvet with cream cheese frosting (red velvet cake with purple food coloring instead of red), Chocolate Cherry Garcia (chocolate cakes with chocolate chunks and chunks of cherries with cherry buttercream frosting), and brown sugar cakes with vanilla buttercream. Then my male companion begged me to make some carrot cake cupcakes for him. I told him no, but then I did it anyway because I’m not as mean to him as everyone thinks I am. Then while I was frosting the brown sugar cakes, I thought it would be fun to take half the buttercream and throw some Nutella in there so I could have some Nutella buttercream. I put that on some of the brown sugar cakes and then on some of the chocolate cupcakes that didn’t get ruined with the failed cherry buttercream.

Behold my parade of cupcakes:

Purple velvet with cream cheese frosting

Carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese frosting

Brown sugar cakes with Nutella buttercream

Chocolate cakes with Nutella buttercream

 

Brown sugar cakes with vanilla buttercream

Whoa.

This is what my kitchen looked like when I was done:

And then I had to clean it.

 

In the end, I baked 70 cupcakes. The ones I didn’t sell at the yard sale or give to Miranda went to work with my boyfriend and with me to a birthday party I went to earlier today.

The lesson I learned was that 70 cupcakes in one night is too many cupcakes to bake in one night. I felt insane by the time it was all over.

 

 

But the end result was so sweet.

Jaclyn Gives It Up: The Make Cupcakes, Not War Bake-Off Contest!

If you haven’t heard the amazing story about how UK spies hacked into a terrorist-run magazine and replaced instructions for how to make a bomb with cupcake recipes, please check out the story now.

Incredible.

I was so inspired by this story, I thought it would be nice to make some World Peace cupcakes of my own. Since it’s approximately 5,897 degrees Fahrenheit here in Florida, I’ve been daydreaming about Orange Creamsicles, with their crisp, tart orange shells and smooth, creamy vanilla centers. Things that are Orange Creamsicle flavored are glorious.  I’m fairly certain that Orange Creamsicles could solve all the world’s problems.  My favorite local bakery, Blue Bird Bake Shop, made an Orange Creamsicle cupcake several weeks ago that was so good I nearly cried. Naturally, I had to try to make Orange Creamsicle cupcakes on my own. For peace. Yes, I’m trying to lose 15 pounds by July 22nd, but this is world peace we’re talking about, people!

I used my favorite vanilla cupcake recipe from Joy of Baking and added 1 tsp of orange extract and a tbsp of orange zest. I added orange zest in the buttercream icing as well. I also added orange gel food coloring to the cakes. I left the icing white.

Orange Creamy Dream of World Peace Cupcakes

Aren’t they beautiful? Don’t they make you want to give to charity and feed the hungry?

Then I got to thinking…

Lately I’ve been wanting to participate in another online cooking contest, a la Rachel Wilkerson’s Project Tasteless, but I haven’t seen anything going on contest-wise on any of the blogs I frequent.

Bummer.

But then I figured, why not just have my own contest?! Thus, the Make Cupcakes, Not War Bake-Off idea was born!

Source

Here’s how it will go:

• Bake up a batch of the cupcakes YOU think could inspire world peace. Any delicious cupcake is fine. I trust you.
• Tell me what’s so special about your cupcakes. How could they inspire world peace? What’s the story behind them?
• Post your entry on your blog (if you have one).  I want to see photos, a recipe, and the story about your cupcakes. If you don’t have a blog you can email your entry to me at jaclynworksitout@gmail.com.
• Email me telling me at jaclynworksitout@gmail.com to let me know you entered the contest. Provide a link for your blog post if you’re bloggin’.
• If you’re a Twitterer, tweet about the contest and promote your entry with hashtag #makecupcakesnotwar

The contest starts today, Monday, June 6th and ends on Sunday, June 12th at 11:59 EST. I’ll announce ONE winner and ONE runner-up by Wednesday, June 15th. The bakers with the best stories, cupcake concepts, and apparent deliciousness of the recipes will be named the winners.

“But what are the prizes, asshole?”

That’s right, the prize! The most peaceful of all bakers will win…

The winner will receive a copy of Cupcakes Galore, by Gail Wagman! There are tons of amazing recipes and beautiful pictures in this book.

The runner-up will win this adorable set of cupcake-themed cards from XO Greetings:

Too freaking cute. Check out the adorable Etsy shop. I want every single one of those cards.

So, get to baking! It’s for peace!

The Best Thing I Ate This Week: Homemade Meat-a-balls!

Ciao!

I come from a long line of big-hipped Italian women, and yet, I’d never made my own spaghetti and meatballs until this past Tuesday. It’s been well over fifteen years since I’ve eaten spaghetti and meatballs and my memories of the dish were fuzzy at best, though I know we ate it all the time when I was a kid.  When I went grocery shopping over the weekend I found ground chuck on sale at Publix and thought “Why not?”

I went into this really not knowing what I was doing, so I called upon the all-mighty Pioneer Woman for help. Of course she had a recipe for spaghetti and meatballs, so I printed it out and went from there. I was going to skip the ground pork step, but my friend Sharon told me to definitely use a mix of ground beef and ground pork because the pork keeps the meatballs moist.  Back to the store I went. She also suggested using garlic powder instead of fresh garlic, to avoid a bitter bite.  I took her advice. I also omitted the parsley from Pioneer Woman’s recipe, because I don’t really like parsley, and I don’t have to eat it if I don’t want to. Otherwise, I pretty much stuck to Pioneer Woman’s word.

The verdict:

Balls on a pan

Balls, up close and personal

Browned balls

Simmering balls

Balls in a bowl!

Not pictured: Balls in my mouth.

Meatball success!

Though my recipe somehow yielded way more meatballs than Pioneer Woman’s (I used a pound each of pork and beef, but I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal) and it took longer than expected for them to cook all the way through, these came out really good.  I put them over Barilla whole wheat spaghetti, which is really excellent, and served them with a salad (with my new awesome homemade dressing) and garlic bread, courtesy of the Publix bakery for $2.99! They just have that shit ready to go and you put it in the oven to get it toasty and it comes out perfectly.  Way better than any garlic bread I’ve ever made.  Thanks, Publix!  My male dining companion and I ate those balls up, then I sent him home with a bag of leftover meatballs and sauce and the extra garlic bread, because I am, in fact, my 80 year old grandmother.

Buon appetito!